Identifying and Breaking Relationship Patterns That No Longer Serve Us

If you take a look back at your relationships, you might wonder what went wrong. It’s easy to place blame in the heat of the moment. It’s just as easy to assume something wasn’t “meant to be”.

But, if your relationships keep running into similar issues or ending abruptly, it might be time to look at possible relationship patterns.

They can be hard to identify. No one likes to think they could be the “common denominator” in several broken relationships. When you’re able to identify patterns that no longer serve you, you can also learn how to break them.

With that in mind, let’s look at a few ways you can accept negative relationship patterns and break the cycle for the future.

Accept That There Are No Accidents

The hardest part of breaking relationship patterns that no longer serve you is identifying them in the first place. Doing so forces you to look internally and at your past relationships to come up with a conclusion.

Maybe you’re interested in the same type of people every time. Maybe you have a pattern of being too dependent or too independent. Or, you might be a little too naïve and let your partner walk all over you.

It can be painful to accept certain patterns. But, when the same thing keeps happening, it’s not an accident or coincidence.

Once you’ve identified those problems and where they came from, you can focus on healing and finding a relationship that fosters growth.

Recognize Red Flags

Once you’ve identified your patterns, you can look for warning signs as they might come up. For example, if your pattern is dependency, you might be drawn to people who are more controlling or like to be “listened to”. Those individuals might make you feel safe and appreciated at first. But it can quickly turn into abusive control and manipulation.

When you know more about your patterns, you can see the warning signs more clearly, so you can avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Keep in mind that red flags aren’t always obvious. Some people are very good at hiding who they truly are for a long time. That’s why it’s crucial to be in tune with your patterns and common “themes” that occur in the people you date.

Ask Yourself What You Really Want

In addition to identifying your patterns, it’s just as important to identify what you really want from a relationship. How do you want to feel? What are you looking for, and how have your negative patterns gotten in the way?

Don’t just think about a person. Everyone can list off character traits or describe their “perfect partner”. Instead, think about how you want a relationship to make you feel. Do you want someone to make you feel safe, loved, and appreciated? Or maybe you want a relationship that gives you independence and freedom.

When you know what you really want, you’ll be able to look past the surface feelings that often stem from dating someone. You’ll dive deeper into who that person is and how they might line up with what you’re looking for. If they don’t, you can move on before another relationship develops.

Identifying and breaking relationship patterns that no longer serve you isn’t an easy task. But if you truly want to experience a healthy and fulfilling relationship, both are necessary.

If you’re having a hard time breaking those habits or even recognizing what they are, you’re not alone. Feel free to contact me to set up an appointment. We’ll work together to learn more about patterns that aren’t serving you, and what you can do to break them for good.

Click here for more information on relationship counseling.